Monday, September 14, 2009
posted by Q6 at 11:03 AM
I haven't felt like this in over five years.

Well before my current relationship (now a marriage) began, my personal life was in a severe state of disarray--to the point where panic attacks, several a day, were a normal part of my routine. The panic attacks were frequent enough, not to mention unpleasant, to consume every waking moment of my life. It took some time, some introspection, and quite a bit of effort to get my life to foresake the panic attacks and move on to a state of mental peace and harmony.

Ah, those were the days.

I will not be spending much time ranting about the conditions and dysfunction of Phoenix High School; while this blog is anonymous, bloggers have been outed and dismissed, and I need this job. (Though in light of the first week of school around here, it might not be the worst possible of outcomes.) Suffice to say that my opening week with students went well, but learning to tiptoe around my new boss is a little more nerve-racking than even I had planned, and I had planned for quite a bit. In the end, I know that at some point I will need to stand up to the guy, and when that moment happens I hope I come out of it with nothing more than flesh wounds.

(Writer's note: I began this post several days ago. Since then, things have become incrementally better. I'm still a bit nervous when it comes to meetings and such, but I'm trying to take steps to cement myself in the school enough that I can better bounce back from whatever fallout may occur at some point.)

All in all, I still feel like I'm getting through this by the seat of my pants, and it's not a good feeling. Little by little, day by day, I'll get there.


At 9:51 PM, Blogger Maestro

Wow... Hang in there man. You where I am if you need to talk.


At 6:02 AM, Blogger Angela

Um, still not understanding why you're not in charge around there. Hasn't your district recognized your unparalleled awesomeness yet?

In case you're having a bad day full of self-doubt, no, I was not being sarcastic.


At 5:13 PM, Blogger Mr. B-G

Your angst and emotion is likely reflective of most who work in public education. I completely relate to getting through each day by the seat of your pants. I also share the optimism that you WILL get there.

I feel like I've been treading water since day one. At some point, eventually, I'll catch a sweet little current and ride it out until a whirlpool arrives (which it will). But, like life and all things, it will be temporary.

Good luck to you this year.


At 10:01 AM, Blogger Astrid

Thank you for posting about that; each week (, really) this year has been a rollercoaster, with panic attacks on the debilitating side. New job, new grade level (high school), new state, 5th year of teaching...reading that let me go ahead and catch my breath a little bit more. Best wishes!